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Is a fear of failure keeping you from getting started?
From primary school onwards, we’re bombarded with different versions of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and “if at first you don’t succeed…”. Across the school, our classrooms proudly and beautifully display inspirational quotes about overcoming defeat and learning from your mistakes.
Rationally, I know that failure is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s an inevitable part of life and even a necessary step towards success and innovation. Irrationally, I still fear failure. And I know I’m not alone.
At some point, we have all experienced nagging self-doubt, made comparisons between ourselves and those around us negatively, or felt like we’re not talented, smart, or disciplined enough to reach our goals.
What makes these fears ironic is that they can become self-fulfilling prophecies. Research claims that there is a link between the fear of failure and procrastination. This means the more nervous we feel about failing to reach our goals, the less likely we are to take action towards achieving them. It’s a completely irrational reaction, but it’s a hard one to resist!
It’s not helpful to tell someone who feels failure to “think positively” or “be more assertive”. If it were that easy, we wouldn’t fear failure in the first place!
This summer, I decided that I wanted to push myself and try paddleboarding for the first time. But my fear that I would fall in or make a fool of myself, stopped me from trying. So I started looking into ways to overcome my fear of failure and I came across the following:
Face It
“Facing your fear” isn’t anything new or revolutionary, but it’s a lot easier to face a fear of heights or spiders than it is to face a fear of failure.
You can turn the rejection or failure that you’re afraid of into a game. Each time you fail at something or are rejected, think to yourself “well, I just won the one-rejection-a-day game”. That way if it does happen you have won anyway.
Say It
Sometimes, overcoming fear is going to be a battle that you can’t win. No matter how much you try to face it or try to think your way out of it; the voice of doubt and negativity just won’t go away. This is less about getting rid of fear and more about learning to live with it.
Sometimes by giving your fear a voice, whether that be by speaking your fears out loud or writing them down, they can no longer feel overwhelming.
This often works as our fears are no reality, they are just stories we tell ourselves over and over again. We may not be able to control our thoughts, but imagining fear as an outside force can help us decide not to believe them.
Ignore It
Sometimes the best thing we can do with our anxieties is to ignore them. Just let go of worrying about what people will think or your own expectations, or even thinking about the outcome at all, and just focus doing one thing.
Making a decision to ignore fear is definitely not the easiest method, but it can have the biggest impact. Fear often harms us more than it helps us, so actively choosing to ignore that fear and focus on the task at hand is a powerful way to keep moving forward.
These aren’t the only ways to overcome a fear of failure, but these three strategies – Face It, Externalize It, Ignore It – are a great place to start.
And for those wondering, I chose to ignore my fears about paddleboarding and just get on with it. Did I fall in whilst first getting onto the board? Yes! But, was it as bad as I had imagined? No! Therefore, I think it’s about time we stop letting our fear of failure stop us from trying new things. What’s the worst that could really happen?
